Sorry is a word we hardly ever use in India. Even when it’s necessary, we tend to avoid it. Apologies are not our forte. In Britain, on the other hand, it trips off the natives’ tongues with astonishing frequency. An article on the BBC website claims that “Brits say the word on average nine times a day — more than 3,000 times a year”.
But it’s not necessarily an apology. The BBC describes it as “a cultural reflex — a five-letter pressure valve used to soften requests, smooth over awkwardness, fill conversational gaps and avoid the horror of seeming rude.”
The website has six examples of the different ways sorry is used. They reveal a lot of the British people and their culture.
When spoken on the street it may sound like an apology but it is, in fact, an expression of “the UK’s deep discomfort with accidental intimacy”. It usually means “excuse me”, “after you” or “please move” or, even, “let’s pretend this tiny collision never happened”. As the BBC puts it, “the point is not blame, but social repair”.
Then there’s the sorry spoken in conversation. What it’s actually saying is “I didn’t hear you” or “I need a bit of time to process what you’ve said”. This time it’s akin to saying “pardon” or “I just need a second”. It’s politer than saying “what?” and it’s very useful in places like pubs or crowded trains where the noise level makes hearing difficult. The inflection in tone usually makes the meaning clear.
However, sorry plays a very different role when it’s said as “Sorry, can I just …”. Here it’s a polite request to fit into a tight space or squeeze past a narrow opening. For instance, “Sorry, can I just squeeze past?” or “Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” The speaker is not apologising. He or she is simply softening the act of asking, entering, sitting or reaching beyond. This is sorry as a form of politeness or, even, politesse.
The one you hear often when other people tread or trample on your rights is “Oh, sorry”. It’s a way of objecting disguised behind an apology. Actually, it’s a way of making your point without being too direct about it. For instance, “Oh, sorry, I think I was next” or “Oh, sorry that’s my seat” or, even, “Oh sorry, I was using that”.
As the BBC puts it: “The pause after ‘oh’ does the damage. It lets them object while remaining technically polite — a very British compromise between saying nothing and saying exactly what you think.”
This is, of course, rather different from “Sorry, but”. This sorry signifies contradiction or, even, objection. To quote the BBC: “Try as I might to agree with you, I can’t. I’m about to explain why you’re wrong and I don’t care what you think.” The use of sorry at the outset is civility. It cushions the fact you’re about to strongly disagree. Incidentally, this form of sorry is least likely to be used in India. When we disagree — or are disagreeable — we don’t really care about how it comes across!
Finally, there’s the curt sorry when someone queue-jumps or takes your turn at the bar in a pub. As the BBC explains: “The queue is sacred territory — like Westminster Abbey or Wimbledon — and a politely interjected ‘sorry’ acts as an etiquette reminder that everyone must adhere to the rules.” Put more pithily, “it’s a correction dressed up as a courtesy.” It’s the British way of saying “get to the back” or “don’t push in” or “keep your distance”.
Perhaps, the closest to the British sorry is India Today TV’s “so, sorry” cartoon. Here sorry is playing the part of an insincere apology. A sorry that’s said but not meant. Perhaps it is intended to take the sting out of the bite but what follows can hurt nonetheless. In fact, it’s often meant to.
Now, all that remains for me to say is, I’m sorry if I’ve wasted your time.
Karan Thapar is the author of Devil’s Advocate: The Untold Story. The views expressed are personal
